First Wedding of The Year

Finding the Cheesy Girl

I haven't blogged in some time. I used to be a dear diary kinda girl throughout high school and college. At one point my journals were my most prized possessions and would be put in my will to safeguard my deepest thoughts and feelings. And I betcha that somewhere out there in the interwebs is my college blog with writings of my philosophical outlook on life, dressed in purity. But somewhere along the way, life jaded me a little, and avoidance became my form of conflict negotiation. I stopped journaling out of the defense against feeling emotions twice. Unfortunately, routine becomes habit, and I've missed that sensitive, cheesy girl I used to be.

Last weekend, at the Padilla wedding—the first wedding of the year—I was reminded of her.

Kicking Off the Year with a Wedding and a Camera

When asked what my favorite things to photograph are, the answer is always easy—weddings and seniors. I get so amped when it’s wedding day. I’m a true believer that everyone comes into your life for a reason, and I think the Lord is so creative in the way He connects me with my couples. So here I am, ready to freakin’ rumble for the first wedding of the year.

Can we take a moment, though, to talk about the art of photography for a bit? Lighting, man. Weddings, as fun as they are, come with this intense, weighted pressure to capture the most important day of your bride and groom’s life perfectly. And while people love to believe that cameras do all the work, it’s actually us—human photographers.

Sure, artificial lighting can help, but it also comes with a price tag. And honestly, there’s nothing like the beauty of natural light. Can all the photographers of San Angelo be candid here about shooting in the Cactus Hotel? It. is. rough. The best light is obviously in the ballroom, but everywhere else lacks windows, leaving you at the mercy of those muted ceiling panels struggling to push through. Not to mention the yellow-tinted walls, orangish tile floors, and mustard ornate moldings—all variations of warm tones that are incredibly hard to ignore when adjusting camera settings.

I like to keep my shutter speed high, my aperture low, and try not to move my ISO above 1600. So, I opened as many windows as I could for as long as possible in the mezzanine. I used to be hesitant to make adjustments like this—like I was marching into someone’s home and jumping on their couch. But I’ve had to learn to be brave in opening windows or moving people in front of the best light.

That’s it. Just a candid moment for photographing the Cactus.

I took January off from heavy scheduling, and honestly? Best decision I’ve made. This is a note to self: take Januarys off from here on out. It gave me space to breathe, to reset, and to come into February with fresh inspiration and hunger for creativity. And what a wedding to kick it off with.

The Padillas pulled out all the stops. One of my favorite things about weddings is seeing the vendor lineup. San Angelo has done an amazing job fostering a community of vendors that genuinely work well together. This lineup was fierce—Pat Pat Hooray for wedding coordination, Sterling and Will with Nine21 Films capturing video, Luminosity 360 bringing an ice cream stand and 360 camera. And then, there were Vanessa and Nieves, the bride and groom, who had even more surprises—a live painter, a live band from Big Spring. It was a night full of intentionality, joy, and celebration.

Dry Hands

You learn so much about people when they’re planning a wedding. The stress, the overwhelming emotions of a life-changing day—it all has a way of exposing someone’s true nature. But even before the wedding day, in the little details and preparations, you can see who they are.

Vanessa, for example, is a woman of hospitality. I know this because of something as simple as a bathroom kit.

I’m very particular about how my hands feel as odd as that may sound. Ever played basketball outside, and afterward, your hands feel grimy? Hate it. Or washed your hands with a weirdly dry but greasy commercial soap? Also hate it. I almost prefer not to wash my hands if I see that green or blue liquid soap in a dispenser.

But Vanessa? She thought of everything. In the Cactus Hotel’s restroom, she put together a kit labeled “Take What You Need”—mints, bobby pins, Alka-Seltzer, Advil, and most importantly, lotion. I don’t take my gear to the restroom for fear of some freak accident where my camera ends up in a toilet, so I didn’t get a picture. But I wish I had. That small touch spoke volumes about Vanessa—thoughtful, nurturing, selfless. And the entire night echoed that sentiment, as she kept saying, “I just want everyone to have fun.”

A Church from My Past

I could talk about the wedding forever, but let’s shift gears. This wedding brought something unexpected for me—nostalgia.

I actually knew Nieves (the groom) from years past. We’re around the same age, and our paths crossed in the church world when we were younger—probably high school or early college. The Diocese of San Angelo held retreats where kids from different schools came together for a weekend of faith and community. Looking back, I’m grateful for those experiences and the people I met along the way.

Vanessa and Nieves had a Catholic ceremony at St. Mary’s Catholic Church. The very church where my own Catholic faith was once rooted and flourished. The place where I found my college Christian community, where I met families who exemplified Catholicism in the most beautiful ways. Where I fell in love with the organization and teaching of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.  Where I nerded out over the history and teachings of the faith...

But as fast as my foundation was built, it also came tumbling down.

The Weight of Faith and Familiar Spaces

In your teens, hormones work against you. In your college years, your mind works against you. I specifically remember taking a course on Intrapersonal Communication—we talked a lot about the deconstruction of beliefs and ideals. I WAS TOO WEAK FOR THIS. Talk about a mind trip.

I won’t go into details—you can scroll Facebook and see plenty of people posting about blurred lines of faith, belief, institution, tradition, and change. But for me, I'll still keep what I believe close to my chest for just me and the Lord to sort. 

That was nearly ten years ago. Since leaving the Catholic faith in 2015, life has happened—relationships, jobs, moves, all the things. But there I was, sitting in a pew at St. Mary’s again.

I’ve photographed Catholic weddings since, but this felt different. Being in THAT church felt different.

I was... missing it. The awe. The beauty. The mystery of Catholicism.

Reflections, Resets, and What's Next?

I don’t have some big resolution here. The series of events that happened the following day only made this pond of reflection even deeper. Just a swirl of emotions that surprised me, mixed in with the magic of a wedding that reminded me why I love what I do. As I walk in this new season with the Lord, I'm asking him to kindly bring back the sensitivity to the world I once held before. 

And Vanessa, if you ever read this—you throw one frick of a wedding, girl.

Sincerely,
Carissa